It’s a Con!
Down on King Street West is this old industrial building refashioned into a restaurant called Brassaii. Brassaii was the photographer whose pictures of Paris in the thirties burrowed beneath the city of light to discribe a haunting melancholy. On my way to Brassaii, I look forward to a nostalgic French restaurant.
How wrong I am. Brassaii is a product of the disconnected age where words, names, images are thrown around like so much confetti, then pieced together arbitrarily to produce a concept that will catch the fitful eye of the roving consumer. The photographs are used as a come on – their mystery and allure promising something that is never delivered. Brassaii is your common or garden resto-lounge for the partying demographic loaded with plastic.
I am welcomed by a bevy of hostesses who are dressed as sex workers with skirts that stop at the crotch. They express unalloyed delight at my arrival, even though I must be the least desired type of customer, and they have me escorted through a crowded lounge and bar to a large dining room where Spartan tables and chairs march along military style. I am seated beside a long table full of happy people. Even though the room is not very full, it is already noisy.
When I ask for another table, the maitre d’ couldn’t be more obliging. He has just the place. Brassaii it turns out sprawls throughout the building, seating 140. You can get lost in it and my companion did before we meet at the new digs – the corridor between the bar and another party room, closed for the evening. However, we’re told it’s packed on weekdays 10 pm when the music goes nuclear and the whole place shakes.
Whew! But it’s quiet now, and we’re happy to have one of the few tables flanked by a bank of wine racks. Better still, the maitre d’ is the precursor of excellent service. The waiter couldn’t be friendlier. Moreover, once the maitre d’ has unlocked the wine racks and removed a 2005 Cline Mouverdre, $9 a glass, the evening grows rosier.
But our mood takes a dip when it comes to the food. We’ve come to sample the cooking of Bruce Woods, formerly of Centro. We’re surprised by the short menu, heavy on starters, blotting paper for an evening of drinking, and taken aback by its execution. Poached white asparagus with Lyonnaise potatoes and Hollandaise $16 arrives fresh from the microwave, the asparagus is dry as straw and the Hollandaise puckers up on the plate, while the greasy potatoes can only be recognized by reference to the menu. Beef carpaccio dumplings $15 are in fact rosettes of raw beef inadequately seasoned and accompanied by bland garnishes.
Worse is to come. Lobster wonton ravioli with black truffle and vanilla scented lobster bisque $ 24 is wishful thinking. The ravioli is thick and tough, and vary from hot to cold, the lobster shriveled. Kobe beef meatballs with toasted pine nuts and spiced Roma tomato sauce $20: the meatballs are overcooked and the sauce has never heard of a spice.
Dare we try a dessert $8? Can anybody fail with Warm sticky Toffee Pudding? The answer is yes.Roasted Banana Tart Tatin is gluey, and where’s the dulce in Dulce de Leche ice cream?
But we’re the only glum ones! By nine, Brassaii is uproarious, the bar overwhelmed. The maitre d’ has to open the party room next to us, and a train of cocktail-toting guests sashay past us to an elegantly rustic dining table set with candles.
Fine. I don’t begrudge Brassaii’s marketability, but I do resent the way the owners Peter Tsebelis and Gus Giazitzidis have conned me.
Again.
The way I was conned by Buca, another of their restaurants. After a couple of visits last fall, I was blown away by the authentic rustic Italian menu – dishes like Gelatina Calabrese, aka brawn, grilled quail rubbed with lemon and fennel, panfried eel and savvy service. Others loved it too. But within a month, disappointed customers reported that Buca had changed. I went back a couple of times and found the cooking downgraded. Obviously, originality hadn’t sold.
A restaurateur has every right to change the menu. What sticks in my craw is the way the owners used the reviewers – selling a vision which they weren’t prepared to commit to.
A con.
*Brassaii 461 King St W, 416-598-4730 No Wheelchair Access. Dinner for two: food plus tax: $103






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